More Shallow then the Toddler Pool
by Demonlord5000
Summary: Stan and Douchebag are assigned to find Lola a date for the upcoming school dance, after the girl sends the only boy willing to ask her off crying. Unfortunately, with a girl this shallow, the odds are not favorable. Written with help from RatherOddRanger.
1. Finding dates

**WRITTEN WITH THE HELP OF RatherOddRanger, which is why Kyle/Bluecap is a thing.**

**XOXOXOXOX**

Stan was holding his red poof ball hat tightly as he walked up to Wendy's locker. To say he was nervous was an understatement.

In the past month the two had broken up over kickstarter, argued and nearly broke up again following the dodge ball incident.

Stan REALLY hoped she was in a good mood.

''Hey Wendy.'' Stan said as cool as he possibly could but it was evident in his tone he was nervous.

Wendy looked up from her locker.

''Oh hey Stan what's up?'' She said slightly annoyed, the events of the last volleyball game still fresh in her mind.

''Well …'' He began looking nervous which Wendy noticed alongside a poster on the wall behind him advertising the school dance this Friday night.

Wendy smiled at the nervous boy before taking hold of his shaking hand.

''Yes Stan I know you were just trying to help with McNuggets, yes I still want to be your girlfriend and YES I will go to the dance with you this Friday.'' She then finished by planting a quick kiss on Stan's cheek.

Stan's face red went pure crimson red just as Cartman came walking past shouting ''HA! GAY!'' at the pair, not noticing a certain Dragonborn was just grabbing his stuff from his locker.

"Seriously this school is nothing but a bunch of gay wads trying t-ACK! *COUGH* *COUGH*'' Without warning Cartman started coughing violently mid-sentence followed by him then shitting his pants.

''O GOD!'' He screamed as he ran to the toilet whilst all of the other kids just pointed and laughed.

''Good one new kid.'' Butters said to Douchebag as he high five him just as a certain blonde haired girl came up to the pair.

''Hey Butters …'' Annie began. ''Could you give me and Douchie a little alone time please?''

''Ah ok, I get ya.'' Butters said happily. ''You want to drag new kid into a closet or the cissy bathroom to make out or something. No problem, see you guys later.'' Butters said with a wink and then walked away as Douchebag face palmed.

Annie rolled her eyes before looking at her boyfriend, her brave knight.

''Dovie, I was wondering if you were going to the dance this Friday night?'' Annie asked him with her sweetest voice.

Confused Douchebag looked around and soon noticed the posters, it didn't take a super genius to work this out.

''Only if you grant me the honor malady.'' Douchebag said smiling as he held out his hand as Annie giggled whilst blushing.

**XXXXXX**

During lunch the guys gathered around the table, amazed at the fact that for once they might not have their lunch interrupted by Cartman.

''So fatass got sent home for crapping his pants?'' Kyle asked as Stan nodded whilst eating his pizza.

''Can we change the subject please? People are trying to eat here.'' Craig said somewhat annoyed.

''Ok let's talk about the Friday dance! I'm taking my girlfriend Lisa Berger!'' Clyde exclaimed happily.

Kyle rolled his eyes at Clyde. ''In other words your going to be spending most of the night staring at your phone?''

''Why do you make it sound like a bad thing?'' Clyde asked confused.

''Dang if your taking Lisa then maybe Bebe will be free? Better get on THAT!'' Kenny said as he jumped out of his seat and headed towards the girls table.

Now it was Stan's turn to roll his eyes and then chuckle when he spotted Douchebag doing the same. ''Say new kid, you taking Annie? Might be able to get us a ride if you pair need a lift?''

''Thanks man but what about Kyle and his date?'' He asked as Kyle went wide eyed.

''Um … my date's mom is dropping us off.'' Kyle said nervously.

Not noticing Stan continued, ''Ah cool who is it?''

''Um … no one important.'' Kyle said as he looked around nervously, thankfully none of the other boys noticed Bluecap winking at him.

''It's not Rebecca again is it?'' Stan asked worried.

''Um … No.'' Kyle replied with a raised eyebrow.

''Nelly the list keeper?'' Stan asked again.

''No she has a boyfriend.'' Kyle replied again.

''Sally Turner?'' Token asked.

''She's going with Tommy.'' Kyle replied again, sounding slightly irate.

''Tommy Turner? Her brother?'' Clyde asked confused.

''She's adopted.'' Craig pointed out.

''Jenny Simon?'' Butters then asked.

Kyle sighed at that name. 'No … She's going with Pete Melman.'' He muttered under his breath.

''Wow …'' Stan said wide eyed.

''What about her friend Lola?'' Craig asked and then the table went silent.

''DUDE!'' Kyle exclaimed. ''I'd rather take Stan's sister then her!''

"Which one?" Stan joked before adding ''Dude I wouldn't wish that on Cartman.''

"Kyle's right. That girl is nothing but self image and swallow. She's even worse then Clyde when it comes to looks.'' Token added.

''Yeah.'' Clyde said with a chuckle but then realized what Token said. ''Hey wait a minute!''

''Ah man! I'm such a loser!'' Tweek exclaimed as he twitched and fidgeted. ''No girl will want to go with me!''

''I'll take you.'' Craig said as the other boys literally stopped what they were doing, heck even Clyde dropped his cheeseburger into his drink in shock.

''As your friend mind because lets be honest Tweek, you'd be too nervous to go with a girl.'' Craig explained as he looked at the other guys.

''REALLY says something about what you guys think about when I said I'd take him as he's my friend and looks distressed. Maybe you should join the yoai book club or something.'' Craig stated as he went back to eating.

''KENNY!'' Token then shouted. ''How did it go with Kenny, I mean.'' He said trying to change the subject.

The entire table then turn round to see Kenny talking to a very shocked looking Bebe at the girls table just as Dogpoo Petsuki and Kevin Stoley were nervously walking up.

''So any who ladies, who'd like this piece of man meat to take them to the school dance?'' Kenny said raising his eye brows up and down.

''Uh …'' Bebe replied a little uneasy, to her Kenny looked cute without his hood on but his personality on the other hand …

''Granted I can't promise my wandering hands won't be … well wandering.'' Kenny added as he held up his hand, wiggling his fingers. ''So Bebe? Lola? Jenny? Red? What do you say?''

''I have a boyfriend who will kick your ass when he finds out about this!'' Jenny stated angrily to Kenny.

''Um … sorry I'm going with …'' Bebe began to say nervously as she quickly looked around and spotted the first boy closet to her.

''Um this guy … Riley …. Yeah I'm going with Riley here!'' She said rather loudly grabbing Dogpoo and pulling him close.

Kenny blinked in confusion at the sight of Bebe smiling and holding a very shocked and confused Dogpoo close to her.

''Your going as Dogpoo Petsuki's date? Talk about desperate.'' He said as Dogpoo looked at him annoyed.

''I have a name McCormick and it's Riley Petsuki for your information!'' He snapped at him. ''And unlike you I know how to treat women like the heavenly goddess hey are!''

''Goddess you say?'' Bebe asked him with a blush as she twirled some of her hair in her fingers. She was also grateful he got his name right as she said it on a guess.

''YUCK! You make want to vomit, you try too hard!'' Kenny said bitterly.

Wendy looks to some of the others girls like Lola, Annie, Jenny, Red etc and all of them roll their eyes at the sight of Dogpoo debating ethics with Kenny, or at least trying to.

''Excuse me Lola.'' Said a low nervous voice, namely belonging to Kevin Stoley.

''Huh?'' Lola asked confused. ''What do you want Dr. Nerdenstien?'' She said coldly.

''Well I was wondering if you'd like to go to the dance with me? … Please?'' Kevin asked as the sweat started pouring down his forehead.

Annie and Wendy exchanged smiles with one another, they thought it was sweet how Kevin mustered up the courage to ask Lola out. Sadly Lola didn't think so as she started laughing. LOUDLY.

She literally started pounding her fist onto the table as she laugh and finally stopped wiping a tear from her eye as Kevin looked on shocked and upset.

''Oh …'' Lola said as if she had just realized something. ''You were serious?''

Kevin nervously nodded, tears filling up his eyes.

''Ah …'' Lola said tapping her chin. "Ok then, well look Levin.''

''Kevin.'' He replied quickly with a sniffle.

''Whatever it's not like I care!'' Lola said waving her hands. ''Look thing is, I'd rather attempt to kiss Stan Marsh whilst he was vomiting all over my face then go on a date with you. Got it?''

She said pointing her finger into Kevin's chest as he tried in vain to hold back the tears.

''Now run along and do a Cartman and cry to your action figures or something Nerdimus Prime.''

Kevin Stoley then ran away crying as the other girls on the table looked on in shocked. Some kids who saw and overheard this started laughing whilst others looked on in horror.

''LOLA!'' Wendy snapped at her friend. ''You could have easily just said no thank you instead of humiliating him!''

Lola simply shrugged as she started eating her cheeseburger. ''My way was more fun. I love seeing nerds cry''

Kenny looked at Lola wide eyed and in shocked. ''Wow … what a bitch!'' He said pointing before walking away.

''I wonder if my ex-girlfriend Tammy is about?'' He said to himself as he started looking around.

''I should go and make sure he's ok.'' Dogpoo said as he was about to leave only for Bebe to tighten the grip on his arm.

'Huh?'' Dogpoo asked noticing Bebe was still looking at him with crimson cheeks. She giggled before asking him ''Tell me more about my lovely eyes.''

''Man poor Kevin …'' Stan said as Douchebag nodded to him in return.

''Ah well you win some and you lose some, or in Stoley's case you never lose it! BURN!'' Clyde said happily as he held up his hand up.

''High five?'' He asked the table of boys who just looked at him annoyed.

''Don't leave me hanging guys.'' He asked as the others just shook their heads at him. Suddenly, the table jerked and Clyde fell to the floor, holding his crotch and whining in pain. "F-fuck you Douchebag!" He whimpered.


	2. Boy's help

''Man poor Kevin.'' Stan said as he left the school alongside Kyle, Kenny and Douchebag. After the cafeteria incident no one had seen Kevin since and now it was the end of the school day.

''Think we should check on him?'' Douchebag asked which made Kenny click his fingers.

''Yeah and then I can ask his sister out to the dance, I've never made out with an Asian chick!'' Kenny exclaimed happily, only for Douchebag to punch him in the face.

''Ouch! DUDE!'' Kenny shouted, only for Douchebag to jump into the air and slam into the ground hard, shattering the pavement and toppling Kenny over.

''GAHG!'' He screamed as Stan looked on. Kyle on the other hand was distracted by a certain someone wearing a blue cap trying to get his attention.

''Um … well … Good luck with that.'' Kyle said making Stan reply with a 'huh?' in surprise.

"I've got to get my homework finished, I'll catch you guys later ok.'' Kyle said as he rushed off leaving Stan and Douchebag confused and Kenny coughing up blood.

''Dude, do you remember Mr. Garrison assigning us home work today?'' Stan asked Douchebag who simply shook his head.

''Hey fellas!'' Shouted Butters at the pair as he walked up to them dressed as a mailman.

''Mailman Butters here fellas, and I've got two letters from your sweethearts to give you.'' He said as he passed them to the boys.

The boys then looked disappointed when they realized it was just a piece of scrap paper with the words 'come to the girls club house later on, once you have done the following' it read as the boys read the instructions their girlfriends had left them.

''Really hope Wendy gives me that make over she's been promising me for doing this. I've not felt pretty since my metro sexual days.'' Stan said as Douchebag looked at him confused.

''Huh?''

XXXXXX

Soon the boys arrived at the girl's secret club, both boys stood in the centre of the room as all of the girls chat amongst themselves.

''The 552nd meeting of the girls is hereby called to order! Sparkle! Sparkle!'' Wendy said as she hit her gravel.

''Sunshine.'' All of the girls chorus.

''Sunshine, sparkle, Esther Stoley has the floor.'' Lola said as everyone turned to her.

''If it please and sparkles with the fellow girls, I vote we do something about that bitch Lola who insulted my twin brother!'' She shouted pounding her fist in anger.

''Sunshine, spark-WAITAMINUTE what did you just call me!?'' Lola said angry.

''You heard me!'' Esther shouted at her as Lola got angrier.

''Well excuse me for being a bit annoyed that no cute guys have asked me to the dance! Is it wrong I want a hot, funny and Orlando Bloom cutie to ask me to the prom?'' She asked the group.

''Sparkle! Yeah it is if you leave him crying by insulting his hobbies.'' Stan pointed out, earning him a chuckle from a few girls.

Lola just looked at him annoyed. ''Seriously what the actual fuck does Wendy see in you? It's pretty evident your gay for Kyle.''

''At least I have a date for the dance you stupid bitch.'' Stan snapped back just as all of the girls began to talk and mumble amongst themselves debating why was this meeting called in the first place, where as Stan and Douchebag looked on confused.

''Stan, what does 'sparkle' actually mean?'' Douchebag asked his friend confused.

Stan simply shrugged with a confused look.

Wendy hit her gravel a few times to get everyone's attention.

''The chair recognizes what Lola did was wrong and almost makes her as bad as Eric Cartman in terms of behavior.'' Wendy said glaring at Lola who simply went ''whatever''.

Jenny Simon then stood up. ''Sunshine, sparkle. Bebe Stevens has the floor.''

''Hey that's my job!'' Lola snapped at her.

''I glitter that Lola should apologize to Kevin Stoley as her actions make the rest of us girls look just as cold hearted and big jerks like the boys.'' She said as Lola shot her a look.

''Well in that case, I glitter that I will only apologize if these two boys help me find a date for the school dance.'' Lola added crossing her arms in defiance.

''Sparkle, sunshine, a motion has been carried that Lola will only apologize if-''

Wendy then hit her gravel annoyed.

''Jenny no offence but we're all here.'' She said with a huff before taking a deep breath. "The chair expected such a request would be made as Lola has done nothing but moan and complain about no boys asking her to the dance, hence why the two honorary members were requested to join.''

Lola raised an eyebrow at the two boys.

''Yuck! I have to choose to go with one of them?'' Lola said disgusted as Douchebag flipped her off.

''Look Lola, some of us thought it would be a good idea if Stan and the new kid did a fact finding mission for us and compiled a list of boys who don't have a date for the dance.'' Wendy pointed out.

''Sunshine, sparkle, Stan Marsh and the dreamy hunk have the floor.'' Annie Knitts said winking at her boyfriend who blushed in returned as the other girls giggled.

Stan rolled his eyes at Douchebag with a smile and pulled out the list the pair had work on.

He coughed first before putting on his reading glasses and then proceeded read it out.

''The three boys who DO NOT have dates for this Friday's dance are Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick and Kevin Stoley. Those are your three choices.'' Stan said in a matter of fact tone as he took off his reading glasses and stuffed the list back into his pocket just as Wendy started hitting her gravel again.

She then leaned down to whisper something to Jenny who then said ''Sunshine, sparkle, Chair woman has the floor.''

''I glitter that Stan Marsh has to keep his reading glasses on as it makes him look super hot.'' She said as Stan blushed bright red and Douchebag giggled alongside all of the girls.

''Uh … Sunshine, sparkle, a motion has been glittered to have Stan Marsh permanent-''

''I heard her Jenny!'' Stan replied as he put his glasses back on.

''Sunshine!'' All of the girls and Douchebag chorus.

Lola on the other hand just looked at the two boys unamused.

''And the 4th choice?'' She asked the pair who just looked at her confused, even making Douchebag scratch his head with a 'WTF?' expression on his face.

''Uh … there is no 4th choice, it's either Kenny, Cartman or Kevin.'' Stan stated firmly, however Lola still looked unamused.

''So yeah … the 4th choice?'' She asked again, looking like she didn't give a flying crap what Stan had just said. "Seriously, I'm okay with going with a murderous, animatronic bear, or a super fast blue hedgehog, or maybe-" She was cut off by the sudden appearance of an old, yellow, animatronic suit that appeared out of thin air with black eyes, which were dotted with white, pinprick pupils. The appearance was followed by a garble of gibberish coming from nowhere. The bear was slouched over like a dead person. Just as quickly as the suit appeared, it vanished into thin air.

"….WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?" Stan shouted.

"Oh, don't mind that Stan," Wendy responded. "Our clubhouse was built on the ruins of some old, abandoned pizzeria. Freddy Faz-Something? I don't recall the name that well."

''Wait … someone's going with Dogpoo Petsuki?'' Heidi Turner said as she started to laugh, only for Bebe to snap at her.

''HE'S MY DATE AND HE SAID I HAVE LOVELY EYES!'' She shouted at her before turning her attention to Lola.

''AND THERE IS NO 4TH CHOICE YOU STUPID BITCH!'' Bebe shouted at her in frustration as she just wanted to hang out with Petsuki and have him go on about how lovely her eyes were.

''Ugh well he better be rich Bebe, because that's one hell of a drop after Clyde.'' Lola said flipping her off.

''Lola be nice.'' Jenny said to her in a whisper only for Lola to snap at her too.

''Or what? Your going with Pete 'I crap my pants' Melman of all people. Talk about desperate!'' She said as Jenny looked on shocked as Wendy hit her gravel.

''Order! Order I say!'' She said as Lola turned her attention to her next.

''Oh, want me to bad mouth your lame ass boyfriend next? Ok, let's talk about how much you used to bad mouth him behind his back when he would vomit on you!''

''WHAT!?'' Stan said in shock as Lola continued.

''Oh, and how about Annie's choice in mute freaks who barely talk? Or Emily Anderson who's going with that other poor piece of orphan crap namely Douglas! Heck I bet Kyle is going with Cartman, he was only interesting when we thought he was gay!'' She continued as the other girls started to get more and more angry with her until Douchebag finally lost it.

'THIS IS WHY YOUR DATELESS FOR THE FRIDAY DANCE YOU SHALLOW BITCH!'' He shouted at her in pure rage.

Annie was so worried she rushed over to her boyfriend hoping to calm him down with a gentle hug.

''Shallow?'' Lola whispered in shock. ''The reason no one but Kevin has asked me is because the boys think I'm swallow?''

''YES!'' Stan snaps at her. ''All the guys think your more shallow then the toddler pool at the swimming pool.''

Lola looked around at the angry faces of all of her friends and then too her super best friend Jenny Simon.

She sniffled and then said in a low mumble. ''I'm sorry Jenny, Pete's a nice guy.''

Jenny smiled as she pulled her friend in a hug.

''It's ok, we all get angry, I personally blame Cartman but seriously Lola you should apologize to Kevin and ask him.'' Jenny said as Lola looked at her confused.

''Also if you go with Cartman, I'll motion to have you banned from the girls club for life!'' Jenny then said to her in a angry whisper.

''Actually …'' Lola began biting her lip. ''I was thinking of asking Kenny.''

''You do realize there's a 90% chance Kenny might drug you, right?'' Stan pointed out as Douchebag nodded.

Lola blinked a few times as she considered her options.

XXXXXX

Kenny laid on the ground of the playground clutching his balls in pain as he coughed up blood.

''*Cough* All I asked was if you could invite Jenny for a three way?'' He said as Lola kicked him in the face.

She let out a rather loud sigh and then began to walk away mumbling ''Ok, choice number two.''

XXXXXX

The next day at school Kevin Stoley was minding his own business as he took his books from his locker and was hoping to put yesterday behind him.

However fate had other ideas or namely Stan, Douchebag and a few of the girls who were hiding around the corner ease dropping on them.

''Hey um … Levin-I MEAN Kevin.'' Lola asked him as he turned around confused and slightly angry.

''What do you want?'' He said bitterly as he turned back to his locker trying his best to ignore her.

''Um … look …'' Lola began nervously. ''I'm REALLY, REALLY SORRY about yesterday and I was wondering if I could make it up to you by going to the dance with you. As … As your date I mean, like full on hold hands and dance and maybe … kiss and … stuff.''

Kevin slammed his locker door shut and so loud that the group of kids hiding round the corner nearly jumped out of their skins.

He looked at Lola, his eyes full of mistrust, the expression on his face screaming 'why should I?'

Lola looked at her feet and started to sniffle, her eyes tearing up as it finally hit her how Kevin must of felt yesterday when she was horrible to him.

A tear ran down her cheek as she tried her best to look at him and in a low voice she whispered. ''Please?''

Kevin raised an eyebrow at her, he was confused at the sight of Lola nearly begging for forgiveness. Part of him wanted revenge for the way she humiliated him yesterday whilst the other half felt REALLY bad for her and couldn't stand the sight of her crying.

Kevin relaxed himself a bit more and let out a sigh as he passed her a tissue out of his back pocket.

''I …'' He began with a mumble. ''I hate to see someone crying …'' The two walked into the classroom. "Y-yeah, I'd love to go with you Lola."

"Th-thanks Kevin." Suddenly, the lights began to flicker in an eerie manner.

"What the hell?" Kevin asked. The two turned to look out the window on the classroom door. What appeared to be a purple, bunnie animatronic slid into view. Most, if not its entire face was gutted, revealing the face of its endoskeleton, of which only one of its eyes was lit.

"Oh god! WHY IS THAT THING STILL FOLLOWING ME!?" Lola screamed, suddenly grabbing Kevin and tightly clinging onto him in fear.

"I don't know about you guys," Stan began from his desk. "But I'm not taking chances." With that said, he pulled out an empty Freddy Fazbear head and put it on. Douchebag, Annie, and Wendy proceeded to do the same.

Kevin then grabbed a flash light and then started to flick it on and off and soon the 'thing' was gone.

Lola opened her eyes slowly and said in a whisper, ''Is ... is it gone?'' whilst Kevin started blushing bright red realising she was still clinging to him.

''Yeah it's gone, your saf-'' Kevin began to say only for Lola to pin him to the locker.

''O KEVIN YOU WERE SO BRAVE AND COOL AND ... AND ...'' Lola said as she then proceeded to make out with a very shocked Kevin.

''Wow ...'' Stan said as he took off his mask. ''She works faster then Cartman's mom!'' During this whole ordeal, no one noticed Tweek being chased by a screaming, animatronic fox.


	3. Dances, Bunnies, and Chickens

The Friday night dance soon arrived and to say that the kids were excited was an understatement. All of the girls had come in their best dresses whilst the boys went with jeans and their Sunday best shirt, alongside a jacket.

''Hey Annie, what's this dance for anyway?'' A confused Douchebag asked his girlfriend.

Annie simply shrug. ''No idea, they usually just hold the odd one now and again.''

Annie then took his hand and the pair walked over to the large crowd of couples to mingle and gossip.

''Oh wow Craig, it's super cool of you to help Tweek out by taking him to the dance.'' Monica Ryland said as Craig looked slightly bored.

''Yeah … well … he's my friend and all.'' Craig said looking around. ''Speaking of Tweek, any idea where he disappeared too?''

Monica giggled at him. ''The twins from the volleyball team both grabbed an arm and dragged him onto the dance floor. Speaking of dancing, would you … like … to?'' She said holding out her hand.

Craig smiled and took it. ''Sure why not, you only live once.'' And the pair moved to the dance floor.

''Dude Stan did you see that?'' Kenny said as he elbowed his friend in an attempt to get his attention, nearly spilling his drink.

''Kenny what the hell dude?'' Stan asked annoyed alongside a very cross Wendy.

''Craig just got asked to dance by Monica Ryland and Tweek's been dragged onto the dance floor by the twins from the volleyball team! That lucky coffee twitching son of a bitch!'' He exclaimed angrily.

''Kenny!'' Wendy shouted at him. ''They have names you now!''

''Really? What are they?'' He asked as Wendy looked confused.

''I …. I can't remember …'' She mumbled embarrassed.

''Ah who cares?'' Kenny said waving his hand. He suddenly spotted a girl who looked cute. "Man, I'd love to ram that ass!" Stan looked to where Kenny had his eyes.

"Uh… Kenny?"

"Yeah?"

"That's… Your sister." Kenny stood silent for a moment, processing what he just said, before violently throwing up on the floor.

"And you thought me throwing up was bad?" Stan asked Wendy quietly as Kenny straightened up. His eyes wandered somewhere else. ''Ooh! There's Emily Anderson on her own. I heard her mom's an alcoholic so hopefully like mother like daughter.''

''Jesus Christ Kenny your barely 10 years old you perv!'' Stan snapped at his friend as he rolled his eyes in disbelief as he walked away. "You'd think the fact he just accidentally perved on his little sister would have at least done SOMETHING to stop him!"

''I think he's getting worse.'' Wendy said as Stan nodded.

''HHHHHHEEEELLLOOOO Nurse!'' Kenny said as he walked up to Emily raising his eyebrows up and down.

''Oh God get lost McCormick!'' She said as she literally pushed him out of the way.

''Ah come on babe don't be like that, say how about I take you to a Jonas Bros concert? I remember seeing you there when I went with Tammy.'' He said as he sprung up right in front of her.

''Oh please, EVERYONE knows why you took Tammy there pervert.'' Emily said as she attempted to walk away again, only for Kenny to spring up out of nowhere again.

''Ah come on Emily, we have a lot in common, we both have parents who are alcoholics.'' He pointed out just as he felt someone tap him on his shoulder.

''Not now Stan.'' Kenny said waving his hand only for someone to grab it and then twist it around his back.

''OUCH! FUCKING OUCH!'' Kenny wined as he then saw it was Douglas who was trying to get his attention.

''This jerk bothering you Emily?'' An very angry Douglas asked.

''This pervert wanted to take me to a Jonas Bros concert so I could give him a BJ!'' Emily said as Douglas's face went red with rage.

Stan, Wendy, Annie and Douchebag then turned their heads at the sound of someone being punched. They then looked up and saw Kenny flying in the air with a bloody nose as he landed hard into a series of empty tables.

''… Was it something I said?'' Kenny asked from under the pile of broken chairs and tables as the others just shook their heads.

''Well at least Emily and Douglas look happy.'' Annie said with a giggling pointing to a blushing Douglas who had a red lipstick mark on his cheek and Emily holding onto his arm.

''Holy cow what the hell happened to Kenny?'' Kyle ran over concerned holding Bluecap's hand. All of them but Stan had noticed.

''Kenny tried hitting on Emily Anderson who came here with Douglas.'' Stan pointed out, still not noticing his super best friend was holding another boys hand.

Kenny in the time had managed to climb, he brushed off the dirt and dust off his clothes and within seconds spotted Jenny Simon alongside Pete Melman.

''HA! This should be easy.'' He thought as he walked over to the pair.

''HHHHHHEEEELLLOOOO Nurse!'' Kenny said again as he walked up to Jenny who just looked at him disgusted.

''Fuck off Kenny, Lola told me what you said.'' She snapped at him as Pete Melman death glared him.

''Ah come on-ACK!'' Kenny began to say only for Pete to grab him by the throat.

The others then watch as Pete slide Kenny across the floor like a hockey puck as he then slammed into a wall.

''So … uh … Stan I need to talk to you about something.'' Kyle said as he looked at Bluecap with a smile and the pair blushed.

''One second dude.'' Stan said still not noticing the pair. ''Kenny's getting up again.''

''Is he always like this?'' Bluecap asked confused.

Kyle shook his head. 'Not really, Stan usually-''

''No I mean Kenny.'' Bluecap interrupted. ''Is he always such a glutton for punishment?'' He asked just as Kenny spotted Lola alongside Kevin Stoley.

''Well third times the charm.'' Kenny said as he walked up to Lola. ''HHHHHHEEEELLLOOOO Nurse!''

''Ugh, I said 'no' Kenny, get lost!'' She snapped at him just as Kevin reached for his IPad.

''Look Kenny, you can play this new video game I got if you promise to leave us alone tonight.''

"Does it have boobs?"

"….Sure, why the fuck not." Kenny suddenly snatched the Ipad away from Kevin and looked at the screen, noticing that the game only showed a camera feed and was playing a music box style song.

"What the fuck-" Kenny suddenly jumped in horror as the camera feed disappeared and a puppet like creature lunged at the screen with a screech. Kenny dropped the tablet, grabbed his chest, and fell to the ground, his eyes glazing over.

"And that, people, is why you must keep the music box wound up." Kevin said to no one in particular.

"You know Kevin, you may be a total nerd, but you're actually cooler then I thought." Lola said, giving him a peck on the cheek. Kevin's face turned red.

"I-it was nothing really." Suddenly, Lola felt a tap on her shoulder, causing her to turn.

"Alright, seriously!?" Lola snapped as she faced a spectral, ghostly Kenny, who winked at her. However, Kevin pulled out a Ghostbusters trap, which immediately sucked Kenny in.

"Aw, what the fuck!? WHAT THE FUCK!?" The ghost boy screamed as the trap sucked him in before locking.

"Wow, where'd you get that?" Lola asked.

"EBay." Kevin answered simply as the trap shook angrily. Kevin set the trap on the ground and turned back to Lola, neither one of them noticing the puppet from Kevin's game that had jump scared Kenny. Unlike in the game, it now had tears along it's body and was missing half it's face. No one paid attention as the puppet grabbed the trap Kenny was in and vanished with it. Suddenly, the song that was playing changed to one of a slower tempo. Kevin held his hand out to Lola, who took it with a blush on her cheeks. Kevin proceeded to lead her into a slow dance, Douchebag did the same with Annie, Kyle with Bluecap, and Stan with Wendy. Suddenly, Stan and Wendy stopped dancing as Stan felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see the same, damaged bunnie animatronic from earlier.

"H-have y-you seen m-my f-friend Ch-Chicka anywhere?" The rabbit asked, his old voice box causing his speech to glitch and stutter.

"No Bonnie! Get lost!" Wendy snapped. The rabbit turned and walked away, while some other students looked at it with a mixture of confusion and fear. "God, that rabbit always ruins it for me." Wendy sighed.

"You uh… Saw that puppet make off with Kenny too, right?" Stan asked out of nowhere.

"Do you honestly care Stan?"

"…No, not really." Stan answered. Wendy smiled and kissed him as they resumed their dance.

**XXXXXX**

"Oh Douglas." Emily began. "It was so cool how you threw Kenny like that." Douglas just looked at her like a lovesick puppy.

**XXXXXX**

"Wow Pete," Jenny whispered. "I didn't realize how strong you were."

"Well, when Eric Cartman unleashes your inner anger, you'll be surprised at how strong you get."

"I hear that!" Jenny squeaked as she kissed him.

**XXXXXX**

"Tell me more about my eyes." Bebe whispered.

"Uh… I'm kind of running out of material… How about I talk about your majestic, golden hair?" DogPoo asked, causing Bebe to blush.

**XXXXXX**

"Clyde! Will you please pay attention to me!?" Lisa whined.

"I am babe." Clyde said, his eyes locked on the photo shopped picture of her on his phone.

**XXXXXX**

"Okay, I'm not going to lie," Kyle began. "I'm pretty amazed NO ONE said anything."

"Yeah, me too." Bluecap answered. "Well, Bebe did offer us twenty dollars to make out in front of her."

"Yeah that was… Was kind of creepy."

**XXXXXX**

"Hey Kevin?" Lola began. "I'm really sorry for being so mean to you."

"It's okay, I find it near impossible to stay angry at someone as beautiful as you." Lola blushed.

"Oh Kevie…" With that she kissed him.

**XXXXXX**

"Douchie, I'm so proud of you for giving Lola and Kevin together." Annie whispered as they slow danced.

"I'd do anything for you Annie," Douchebag whispered back. "No matter what."

"Really? Would you journey to the deepest pits of Hell to resurrect Justin Bieber?" At this question, Douchebag's eyes snapped wide open.

"Uh…"

"JUSTIN BIEBER SUCKS!" A loud shriek came from nowhere as a damaged, female chicken animatronic popped up from out of nowhere, startling the couple. The chicken cleared her throat before speaking again. "Hey, have you guys seen my friend Bonnie anywhere?"

"Uhhh…." Annie said.


	4. New Roommates

In a dark room, a small pair of glowing eyes was revealed, followed by a deep laugh.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP FREDDY!" The animatronic bear jumped as he used his glowing eyes to reveal a human looking girl. A mangled mess of a pink and white fox swung down from the ceiling.

"Uh….Who's this? She never worked in the pizzeria!"

"OF COURSE I DIDN'T WORK IN THE FREAKING PIZZERIA BECAUSE I'M A BLOODY KID THAT DIED FROM A SLENDERMAN ENDOSKELETON AND AM RESURRECTED INTO IT AS A SCRAP PIECE OF METAL! NOT TO MENTION THAT THE STIFF HEARTED GOVERNMENT SHIT BAGS JUST LOCKED ME UP IN A CREEPY ABANDONED HIDEOUT FOR MORE THAN THIRTY YEARS IN THE COLD DARKNESS WITH NOTHING BUT LONELINESS IN A SMALL ROOM FILLED WITH METAL BITS THAT KEPT POKING ME, EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T FEEL IT!"

"WILL YOU STOP YELLING NONSENSE AT ME!?" Freddy screamed.

"FUCK YOU FAZBEAR!"

"I LIKE TACOS!" Mangle shrieked.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" A new voice screamed. "CAN'T A GOLDEN VERSION OF FREDDY GET SOME SLEEP IN THIS GOD DAMN PLACE!?"

XXXXXX

''Aw come on!'' Stan said annoyed. He had just finished gym class alongside his friends when mailman Butters pop up out of nowhere.

''Howdy fellas, your sweethearts asked me to-'' Butters began only for Stan to snatch the letters out of his hand.

''We get it Butters!'' He said annoyed, he was too exhausted from gym class for this.

Concerned Douchebag patted him on the shoulder. ''Dude, you ok?'' He asked worried.

Stan sighed. ''I just … I just wish I knew when the girls were going to give me my makeover! I want to feel pretty again …'' He said just as the gym went quiet so that everyone heard him.

''Wha … What did Stan just say?'' Clyde asked confused as the others just shrugged.

XXXXXX

''The 554th meeting of the girls is hereby called to order! Sparkle! Sparkle!'' Wendy said as she hit her gravel.

''Sunshine.'' All of the girls chorus.

Stan and Douchebag just stood in the centre of the girls club, looking very tired and even more confused. That's when it hit them, Lola wasn't present.

''Sunshine, sparkle, chairwoman Wendy Testaburger has the floor.'' Jenny said as Wendy stood up.

''Stan, new kid, once again we face a terrible crisis and we believe that only you are honouree members can save us.'' Wendy said in a serious voice as Stan looked on worried for his girlfriend.

''As you know, thanks to you two, two weeks ago, Lola had a date for the dance namely Kevin Stoley.''

Wendy said as the boys raised concerned eyebrows at each other.

''Right …'' Stan said confused as Wendy continued.

''At first Lola seemed happy with Kevin, however after this last week we namely the girls club have decided enough is enough!'' She said smashing her fist against the table.

''Huh?'' Douchebag asks confused. ''Why?''

''SHE WON'T SHUT UP!'' Wendy screamed.

''DOCTOR WHO THIS! DOCTOR WHO THAT! GAH!'' Bebe shouted pulling at her hair.

''I DON'T CARE IF SABAN BRANDS ARE CHEAP! I DON'T WATCH POWER RANGERS!'' Jenny said angrily.

''IF POWER RANGERS IN JAPAN IS BETTER WHEN WHY DON'T THEY MOVE TO JAPAN!?'' Annie said annoyed.

''SHE'S A FUCKING BRONY TOO! WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT THAT SHITTY HIGH SCHOOL MOVIE!'' Snaps Sally Turner.

''I'M SICK OF SEEING HER YOAI FAN ART! SHE DREW ONE OF KYLE AND BLUECAP YESTERDAY!'' Heidi said smashing her chair against the wall.

''Actually I'm cool with that.'' Bebe said with a smile, calming herself.

''Yeah me too especially after she drew this one of Stan and Douchebag.'' Red says as she holds it up and the boys freak out.

Stan vomits on the floor so Annie quickly grabs the drawing off Red and sets it on fire with a lighter.

''Ah Annie … I wanted to stick that in my scrap book … big meanie ….'' Red said pouting.

Stan quickly composed himself and wiping the vomit off his mouth confronted his girlfriend.

''Wendy, I get it now, you want us two to break them up.''

Wendy nodded with a smile but Stan didn't.

''And the answer is no! I refuse to put Kevin through the same pain you put me through when you cheated on me with Token!'' Stan snapped at her as the girls looked on speechless.

''Holy shit! Stan's finally grew a pair!'' Sally Turner said with a chuckle.

Wendy look away from Stan with a tear in her eye.

''Stan … I'm always going to be sorry about that but …. But if I told you Lola suggested I should dump you for Token would that make you change your mind?'' Wendy asked, her voice full of hope.

''NO!'' Stan said stomping his foot down. 'This is wrong and the Wendy I fell in love with would NEVER ASK ME TO DO THIS!'' Stan said as he got angry.

''But she won't shut up!'' Wendy wined.

''Annie I can't believe you'd agree to this!'' Douchebag asked his girlfriend in shock.

''But Douchie …'' Annie said in a whisper.

Stan raised an eyebrow. ''Douchie? She calls you that?'' He said with a giggle as Douchebag blushed.

Wendy then started to cry. ''Does this mean you want to break up with me again Stanykins?'' As Stan ran over to his girlfriend to comfort her.

''No … no way babe, it's just … don't ask me to do this ok. Promise?'' Stan said as he kissed Wendy on the nose who giggled in response.

''Ok I promise.'' Wendy said as she then pulled Stan into a surprise kiss.

Douchebag giggled ''Stanykins?'' He asked and all Stan did was flip him off as he was too busy making out with Wendy. However, this was cut short when the lights went out, plunging everyone into darkness. The silence was broken by the sound of a door creaking open, followed by a glowing pair of eyes accompanied by the toreador march.

"NO!" The lights came back on to reveal Wendy spraying a bear animatronic with water. "BAD FREDDY! BAD! WHAT DID WE TELL YOU ABOUT DOING THAT!?"

"I-I'm sorry." Freddy said, sniffling.

"Aw… Come here Freddy." Sally Turner said as she hopped up and hugged the bear's leg. "Who's my favorite homicidal teddy bear?"

"Me?" Freddy responded as he patted her head.

"What….The….Fuck?" Stan said as he and Douchebag looked at the scene in confusion.

"Ooh! Play the song again Freddy!" Emily squeaked, jumping up and down. Freddy started playing the toreador march again as the girls ran around him, playing Ring Around the Rosie.

"I… We… We're just going to leave." Stan said as he and a confused Douchebag started to walk towards the door. Stan froze when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see a red, animatronic fox and the bunny from the dance.

"Ah… Ladie… Me and Bonnie were wondering if we could come with you…. Please, these girls…"

"They scare us." Bonnie whined,

"They keep drawing yaoi fanart of us!" Foxy spoke. Stan looked behind him to see Chica offering the girls pizza.

"…You both can come live with me if you promise to keep my sister Shelley at bay."

**LATER THAT NIGHT:**

_Clackclackclackclackclackclackclack-_

"STAN! Tell your robot fox friend to stop running up and down the hall! It's freaking 3AM!" Stan's dad yelled from his room.

"Dad, shut up and go to sleep!" Stan shouted as he turned over.

"It's cozy in here." Bonnie's voice came from Stan's closet. "It reminds me of the supply closet at the pizzeria."


End file.
